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Old 12-03-2012, 07:20 PM
onoma onoma is offline
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 78

Originally Posted by PolyLinguist View Post
Well, if I didn't want a relationship strongly, how did I end up in one lasting over thirty years? Raising two kids, living on three continents. If I didn't want strongly to be with my wife, she would have decamped ages ago. While she doesn't mind me being poly, she would strongly mind not being wanted.
You misunderstand. I'm not saying you don't or shouldn't want a relationship. I'm saying that you have other strengths. You've lived on three continents, making you worldly. You can probably break out a decent accent, right? Women love accents. Everything you listed in your first post is a strength rather than a liability, especially around the right women. Hell, just being married makes you more attractive to women.

I am not sure what you mean by insecurities. I am not particularly insecure,
Really? In your first post you listed qualities about yourself as liabilities. You kept asking why anyone would want to be with you. Those are not signs of confidence. Saying you're too intellectual actually makes it sound like you're embarrassed about being smart!

Oh, Neil Strauss and his ilk. I have his books, I found them in - of all places - Beijing, China. Can't say I haven't thought of trying out some of his tricks. Let me see - I dress up in shiny black leather, I put on sunglasses (over my real ones? how does that work?), I start imitating Joey in Friends as I go up to strangers and say profundities like "How are you doing", with the right kind of intonation. Then measure the angle at which I face my potential partner, and the exact distance to her face, for such things matter, it seems. Oh, and pretend that I am not interested in her, in fact that I seriously doubt that she would ever do it for me. It's called Neg-ing, I think.
Here's my observation on the whole "PUA" thing:

Some people need help. I had no idea how to talk to or approach women when I first read The Game. In fact, the thought of women being susceptible to those tricks depressed me terribly! But I did try a few of them, the ones that seemed the least silly and the least cruel (for instance I would never "neg.")

Did they work? Well, I got mixed results. In the end, I don't think the value of PUA is the tricks. It's that it gets you to start trying. I mean really trying, not hanging out with a bunch of female friends and hoping like you were before. It certainly doesn't mean thinking no women will be interested in you because you're intellectual or unconventional.

It means that when you find a woman attractive, you tell her so and ask her out.

The main problem is that the kind of woman I hope to meet will see through me in an instant, and realize that I am playing games.
Oh right, at the start I suggested the PUA stuff to learn body language... not to learn pick-up lines and tricks. There are websites and even books that basically tell you "when a woman looks at you this way, it's a sign she's interested." Some people just aren't great at reading body language, but learning what to look for can help. You can also buy regular books on body language, but they won't be as focused on what you're looking for.

And no, the kind of woman I like doesn't like to play games like that at all. If I have a particular strength (in addition to being steady and intelligent) it's that I am genuine and straightforward.
Good. Now I have a question though... if you're straightforward, were you just not interested in your female friends or did you have trouble telling them you were?

Of course you are right. I do overthink it, it's in my nature to do so. Maybe the best I can do is to have a drink or two on social occasions, for that will decrease my propensity to overthink, analyze and project, and bring out the imp in me.
A drink or two does help. Overthinking does not help!
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