Thread: Complicated
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Old 12-03-2012, 05:41 PM
niceinjeans niceinjeans is offline
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Franklin, TN (middle TN)
Posts: 27

Originally Posted by Lotta View Post
I feel very deeply for both people. I love them very much. The complication arises when it comes to sex with him. I am not comfortable having relations with a man. This was brought up a few days ago when I said no to a threesome. He wanted to know if I only wanted a friendship with him or more. I want emotion and love from him I just cannot give myself sexually. I did in the past which is probably confusing but I realized that it makes me uncomfortable. Also I have a hard time with threesomes when they are all of the time. I like one on one time sometimes. That was my only issue with everything. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. That is one simple need/request. It's not that I am not physcially attracted to him. I am attracted to him physically, emotionally. It's just that I have a really hard time with threesome. The reason being is it makes me feel emotionally and physically disconnected. I feel left out. I like to have relations with a woman. Maybe I associate sex wrong? Maybe I am not sex positive? I feel so bad. I feel terrible that I may be hurting someone. Someone I care about. There isnt anything I wouldn't do for him and her. I am hurting because I hurt him.
There is nothing wrong with your approach to sex (in so far as I can tell from this one post). I agree that threesomes can be emotionally disconnected, especially if all are not... ahem... involved.

Originally Posted by Lotta View Post
Can you have a non sexual triad within a relationship?
Yes, absolutely. I cared for my wife's ex-girlfriend very much, but she and I had a non-sexual relationship.

Originally Posted by Lotta View Post
She then told me that if a triad did not exist she could never have a serious girlfriend.

They keep telling me now it is three not two and this is his wife. But it is two (husband and wife) and than there is me.
It sounds to me like they are placing expectations on a relationship that you are not comfortable fulfilling. After all, you are a self-described lesbian. From what I have read, this is a common problem with triads that often leads to their downfall.

Originally Posted by Lotta View Post
How do you navigate a relationship? I have no problems. I have no expectations. I don't require much except for to be loved and wanted.
I recommend open, honest communication. Express your love to your partners. Then, proceed to tell him/them of your desire to see him fulfilled by your relationship and of your aversion to (I assume) penetration. There are many forms of sexual expression. Lay everything on the table and grow closer through exploring other alternatives.

Hope that helps.

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