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Old 12-03-2012, 04:02 PM
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PolyLinguist PolyLinguist is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
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Quote:
Originally Posted by onoma View Post
I don't think wanting a relationship was ever your strength!
Well, if I didn't want a relationship strongly, how did I end up in one lasting over thirty years? Raising two kids, living on three continents. If I didn't want strongly to be with my wife, she would have decamped ages ago. While she doesn't mind me being poly, she would strongly mind not being wanted.

Quote:
Originally Posted by onoma View Post
Frankly from your background I suspect you can/will do great once you get past your insecurity about this.
Oh I know I will, if I meet the right person.

I am not sure what you mean by insecurities. I am not particularly insecure, although I don't like to be turned down, even in little things. Most people don't. My wife says she admires me for even putting myself out there, where I can be turned down and made to feel inadequate. She wouldn't do it - but then she is happily mono and is content to just have me for company.

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Originally Posted by onoma View Post
Well, you could look up some stuff on body language and signals. There are even "pick up artist" web sites out there that can help you learn that stuff. (A lot of crap on those sites, but some good stuff too for those of us who don't quite "get it" on our own.)
Oh, Neil Strauss and his ilk. I have his books, I found them in - of all places - Beijing, China. Can't say I haven't thought of trying out some of his tricks. Let me see - I dress up in shiny black leather, I put on sunglasses (over my real ones? how does that work?), I start imitating Joey in Friends as I go up to strangers and say profundities like "How are you doing", with the right kind of intonation. Then measure the angle at which I face my potential partner, and the exact distance to her face, for such things matter, it seems. Oh, and pretend that I am not interested in her, in fact that I seriously doubt that she would ever do it for me. It's called Neg-ing, I think.

The main problem is that the kind of woman I hope to meet will see through me in an instant, and realize that I am playing games. And no, the kind of woman I like doesn't like to play games like that at all. If I have a particular strength (in addition to being steady and intelligent) it's that I am genuine and straightforward.

Quote:
Originally Posted by onoma View Post
BUT... frankly you're overthinking it. If YOU are interested, make it apparent. You could spend your life wondering if a woman is interested in you, only to watch her go out with the guy who was direct and asked her out.
Of course you are right. I do overthink it, it's in my nature to do so. Maybe the best I can do is to have a drink or two on social occasions, for that will decrease my propensity to overthink, analyze and project, and bring out the imp in me.
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