Thread: Complicated
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Old 12-03-2012, 01:00 PM
Lotta Lotta is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 5
Default Complicated

A little about myself. I am a single lesbian in a relationship (triad) with a married couple. We've been dating for a little over 6 months now. When I first met her it was a casual relationship, the husband and I became friends. As the relationship advanced into turned into a triad. I am not on here to complain or anything, just need advice on how to make him feel better. I don't know any other poly people to talk to. This is my first time in a poly relationship. I don't have a problem with being in a poly relationship. It's perfect for me. I am looking for advice. Am I navigating this wrong? Just so everyone knows. Everything I said in this post was already discussed.

I feel very deeply for both people. I love them very much. The complication arises when it comes to sex with him. I am not comfortable having relations with a man. This was brought up a few days ago when I said no to a threesome. He wanted to know if I only wanted a friendship with him or more. I want emotion and love from him I just cannot give myself sexually. I did in the past which is probably confusing but I realized that it makes me uncomfortable. Also I have a hard time with threesomes when they are all of the time. I like one on one time sometimes. That was my only issue with everything. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. That is one simple need/request. It's not that I am not physcially attracted to him. I am attracted to him physically, emotionally. It's just that I have a really hard time with threesome. The reason being is it makes me feel emotionally and physically disconnected. I feel left out. I like to have relations with a woman. Maybe I associate sex wrong? Maybe I am not sex positive? I feel so bad. I feel terrible that I may be hurting someone. Someone I care about. There isnt anything I wouldn't do for him and her. I am hurting because I hurt him.

Can you have a non sexual triad within a relationship? She then told me that if a triad did not exist she could never have a serious girlfriend.

They keep telling me now it is three not two and this is his wife. But it is two (husband and wife) and than there is me.
I made him feel like a third wheel not long ago which I didn't even know I was doing. I feel terrible. I've always been respectful of their marriage. I try to give them both space since they are already an established couple. I want everyone to be happy. I am happy with the both of them. I can't help it that I prefer women. I may have a little bi-sexuality in me but I will always choose a woman.

How do you navigate a relationship? I have no problems. I have no expectations. I don't require much except for to be loved and wanted.

Last edited by Lotta; 12-03-2012 at 03:37 PM.
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