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Old 12-03-2012, 09:05 AM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
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Hmmmm...how about you cool it with her so you can actually have time and energy to be open to what you DO want? It's doing both of you a bit of a disservice to be in this situation. My advice would be to talk with her and maybe schedule it so you will still hang out and text but have a few days a week when you actively agree not to connect. I had a friend who loved me and spent so much time talking with me that they didn't have any time to actually get out and date really, and when he tried it was sure half-hearted. Especially if she is monogamous minded romantically, if she's crushing on you and going into first dates after spending all day long texting with you, she wont be as open to what is out there. I started making sure to not be available all the time to my friend and, he found a wonderful person who can give him the marriage and kids he wants - we still have a strong friendship but some healthy space too.


Quote:
Originally Posted by DavidJ View Post
The unfortunate truth is that she only has a handful of fertile years left and soon not being able to give her children will no longer be an issue. So if I were being cynical I could just bide my time, but that would make me feel cruel and deceitful.

Ewww. Anyway - Sometimes people are too infatuated to make sensible choices, and I think that may be the case on both of your sides. If it was just friendship I wouldn't stress this but the title of your thread is that you're being driven crazy by not getting to be physically intimate with this person. That conflicts with you saying you're happy just being friends.

I think I'd add to my above advice if it is true for you - that you also are upfront that you are interested in having other relationships, so scheduling it so you aren't chatting and hanging out so much will give you the space YOU need in order to find somebody who is interested in being in a romantic relationship with you. I get the impression from several things you say that if she does get involved with you physically, she will suffer from guilt and discomfort about it, and it seems you are hoping if you keep hugging her and offering to do things that make her uncomfortable and being around all the time, that it will eventually wear her down and change her mind. Maybe a bit of space would be more useful in clarifying things for everybody.

edit: I think you might want to look at this thread, sparklepop gave some exquisite advice about how to be a friend. http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=33839
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Last edited by Anneintherain; 12-03-2012 at 09:20 AM.
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