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Old 12-02-2012, 10:50 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
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Quote:
Originally Posted by onoma View Post
I think people are over complicating this. The real answer is:

Just look for women who like intellectual, serious, unconventional men.

Be careful talking about "majorities." Doing so robs people of their individuality.

You said you had no problem having women as friends... so it sounds like women DO like you. They enjoy your company and like what you have to offer. Maybe your problem is not knowing how to make things sexual/romantic. Hell, maybe your only "problem" was just missing these friends' signals that they would have been interested in more.
Right on the spot, onoma, that is exactly the problem. I am not by nature particularly observant when it comes to interpreting other peoples' emotions anyway, but my rather unusual teenage years added to this difficulty. My parents took me from my native environment (a Central European country), put me through a high school education where I hardly passed two successive years with the same fellow students, then brought me to Canada where I was dropped straight into a university environment where most of my peers had gone through the usual North American high school system I had no experience with at all.

Different people would deal with the kind of loneliness I experienced in different ways - personally, I learned to be able to entertain myself and not depend too much on others. Eventually I learned how to create a good social life for myself, which is why I have lots of friends - but playing the seduction game is something else and I never became good at it. Which is why I come back to playing up my strengths, which includes the willingness to try for long-term mono life.

Clearly, in the poly world this won't do, and if I want to enlarge my circle of sexual/sentimental partners, I have to learn how to play up my other strengths, and to interpret other peoples' signals better.

Oh why, oh why, can't people be more explicit? I am not so clueless that I won't catch obvious signals. Once, in my premarital days, I was having dinner with some friends and acquaintances, and the woman sitting opposite me started to stroke my feet under the table. I had no doubt as to what that meant! But few people are that obvious...
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