Love this way is so complex
I think I'm just ready to admit that love arrived at this way is just so complicated and we cannot simplify anything here, including how to count a decade. I ask myself how and why do I keep going with such ever expanding complexities of the heart- is it really providing growth for me, or is it ripping me apart so much I can't remember who I am and what I want and how to stay true to it.
I'm trying hard not to feel like a home wrecker, assuring myself of the differences between pursuing a married man and having been part of a triad I was invited into that fell apart, and that he chose me even if he still ended up in love with us both.
I"m trying hard to imagine a day where there is consistent harmony (at least more than 2 weeks in a row god please) and my heart doesn't feel ripped to shreds.
I'm miserable that he still has made no contact so we could talk about what this means for us, it feels as painful as if we'd broken up - maybe we have...we have come so damn far for this old forlorn dark tearing to still be part of a day, or for it to continue to have such a place in the journey..... but I'll try really really hard to focus on giving him his space and time to figure things out for himself. In the meantime, I do know that know he truly loves me, (I choose to think that I have not been played) and I'll keep that with me always ...with or without hopes for the future.