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Old 12-02-2012, 04:32 PM
Wants2BEqual Wants2BEqual is offline
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 41
Default What r u suggesting?

Thanks Nondy

Hard to filter with such different points of view here.

Sounds like you are suggesting that I could consider that even if he always stayed Married and loving her that we could still work?

I didn't consider that because she is opposed to a triad with us as equals and even if she wasn't she has already shown her true heart about it. I Don't know how to get around that.

I have the additional issue of moving to be nearer to him thus leaving my country, my friends, and family. I am very willing to do this but am so afraid of moments like this where we have a blow up over his confused feelings and he literally stops talking to me. It feels like weve broken up. He still has not contacted me since I told him things are changed if he is still is love w her . He hasnt attempted to engage me in conversation about "what do I see changed". He goes to "caves" to think when heavy emotional stuff comes down and I am left reeling without him or any sense of him given he is so far away.

Again this is tortuous because its so rare I see him in person and he was just here. 5 days ago and we got so very close. I truly love him but reconciled with him because he said he didn't love her anymore and that impossible complication was diminishing. Now I learn it has not. It sounds like she is still moving out but he cannot help now he feels. I have no idea what to do next unless I just let him go. If a man loves his wife of 33 years and also considers her his best friend how can I possibly make it with him when she is only accomadating at best even if she were to become open again .

Originally Posted by nondy2 View Post
Wha??? I must have stumbled on the wrong list-serv..

Boring, didn't you attack me a few months ago for questioning the maturity of someone who chose to have their only commitment in life be employment? Followed by a number of others and a discussion that it's OK to call disabled people unhealthy and OK to use retard or lame... Whatever!


You sound like a wonderful person. I truly hope this works out the way you want and it seems it is! I , from what I have read, don't see our guy as playing games or immature. The way I view it is: People get married for all sorts of reason and I think this reason is RARLEy sex or passion and those marriages rarely work out...anyway, when married and knowing each others families, money, property and kids (and mostly attachment) it becomes difficult to unravel. I am soaking for myself, but I think it's probably true for your guy. I think once we are attached to someone even if we want something else, it becomes so hard to change.

I am thinking of my own marriage. I think I could maybe be in a happier marriage and there are certainly people I'm hotter for, but to end something that's been going on for 15 years and creating stability and kids and all that would be very hard...and the primary point is WOULD I be happier? That's the issue - ?

I would also say five years seems like a long time and it is. But what's the hurry? I think that in any live-in situation foks end up hating each other of dishes and child care. That's a place I wish I hadn't rushed to get to!!!
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