You seem to have a grip on the facts of poly and you seem like you are maturely trying to handle your emotions and that is great!
Reading will help, as will talking, even if its not to him, is there anyone who knows of your relationship and wouldnt be judgmental for you to usse as a sounding board?
Talking here helps too.
- For the pursuit of happiness, not the sit around and wait for happiness -
Jen - bi female
John (Juntas)- husband
M - John's girlfriend