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Old 12-27-2009, 05:40 AM
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crisare crisare is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 172

It's funny .. I sort of skimmed this topic because I don't have kids, but then I realized that I do have some thoughts because my last b/f had children and it's possible that a future b/f might have children ... so it's relevant to my interests as the interwebz say.

Originally Posted by ygirl
I do not want kids of my own, and if i were to become involved with someone who already has them, of course I'd hang out with the kids sometimes. However, I do not want to be in a parental / caretaker role in any way shape or form. If I were to become involved with someone who subsequently decided to procreate, not only would it sure as hell not be with me, but i expect that the birth of the new child would impose some distance between myself and my hypothetical paramour, if for no other reason than the "baby NRE", hectic schedule, and lifestyle adjustment(s) that come with it.
Yup. I couldn't have written it better.

My last b/f had 3 children. I was known to them as a friend of the family and they referred to me as "Miss Firstname" (a respectful method of addressing an adult family friend here in the South). I have babysat them before, I have been part of their family events, but I was not listed as a caretaker for them in official records, I wasn't listed as a contact in case of emergencies, etc. If anything had happened to my b/f and his wife, her family would have had care of the children, not me.

I don't dislike children, but I won't have any (at one point I wanted children badly, but that has passed, the opportunity is over, and at this point I am childfree by choice).

But, if my husband suddenly wanted to go have a baby with someone else, it would definitely affect our relationship. When you bring an innocent human being into the world, that new person should become the parents' top priority to the exclusion of all else, and I'm not prepared to make that particular sacrifice in my "primary" relationship.
I agree with this as well, although I think it's highly unlikely that my H would want children now - with anyone.

I say "primary" because first of all, we don't have anyone else at the moment, and even if we did, Steve and I have been together for 10 years and have a history, so it would take some time before another person would attain the history and experience in order to be another "primary". Therefore, anyone either of us would have as a boyfriend or girlfriend would be "secondary" by default. I don't mean this in an emotional way, but in a pragmatic way, and for lack of "better" terminology.
And just for clarification, this is also how I view my primary/secondary relationships.
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