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Old 11-30-2012, 12:50 AM
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naturalblue naturalblue is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Long Beach, CA
Posts: 21
Default I think my husband wants to leave me

I just discovered this and my head is spinning, so forgive me if I'm all over the place.

My husband and I have been together for over 6 years, married since March. We have been open for a little over a year. He has a girlfriend that he has been with pretty much since we opened, and I have one primary fuck buddy and occasionally hook up with others as time/situations warrant.

There has been a history of him concealing how he feels about her from me. We had a big blowout several months ago because when we first opened, we agreed that it would just be sex and no other relationships. He was seeing her exclusively though and my warning bells were going off so I asked to be able to read the texts between them. There was a lot in there that he never told me so I was upset. I also realized that it was partially my fault as I had never spoken with her about our expectations, I left him to do it and trusted him when he said that he had and she understood. Well, he hadn't or at least not in the way that I understood them and she had fallen in love with him. It was a giant fight but in the end, I asked myself whether I felt that their relationship was a threat to our marriage and the answer was no, so I let it go and understood that there would be emotion involved in their relationship.

I have been feeling like we're disconnected lately though and have been concerned about it. I've asked him if he's in love with her and he avoids the question or says something like "well I do feel a love for her, but I wouldn't say I'm IN LOVE". This totally counters my gut instinct and his actions though. We're at the point where he almost spends more time with her than he does with me (Thurs - Sun almost every week). They call and text all the time. To be clear, I don't have a problem with them having a relationship or even loving each other. It's the hiding it that concerns me and my fear that he will decide that he only wants to be with her.

So, here's the crux of it. I snooped. I know, I know, it's terrible and I got exactly what I deserved by doing it. My worst fear has apparently come true. He sent her a message a month ago that said that he had been thinking about their relationship and he was so in love with her and he has been secretly hoping that I'll develop feelings for one of the guys that I'm seeing so that he can be with her. He said he wants to be her one and only forever and that he wants to be her husband.

I don't know what to do with this knowledge. I don't know what her reaction to that message was. I'm a jumble and am having trouble sorting out how I feel about this. I honestly think that if I say nothing he would just stay married to me forever no matter how he felt, he's bad at confrontation. On one hand, I don't want to be married to someone that doesn't want to be married to me. I also don't want to just give up on my marriage 8 months in. If I bring this up, do I make them break up? Make him swear that he won't divorce me? Close the relationship? I don't really want to do that but I also don't really know how I should respond to this.

I'm honestly less devastated than I thought I would be, but maybe that's just shock. Like I said, I have been feeling less connected to him and to be frank, our sex life has taken a nose dive in the last month or so. I chalked that up to bad timing, plus he was having some health issues for a bit. Also, we have historically gone through periodic dry spells, so I figured it was that. Now I'm wondering if it's due to him preferring her.

I really don't know what to think here and could use some perspective. I know this is a novel, I'm sorry.
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