Ok with cheating, but not okay with poly?
I am being personally affected by this right now, so it's on my mind.
Why are some people okay with cheating, but not okay with poly? My assumption was that group would consist of cheaters too afraid to be honest to their partners or accept their partner's potential dating. But I have met several people willing to date a married person A without the knowledge or consent of a's spouse, b. However, they will not consider dating c who is also married, but whose partner, d is supportive of the relationship or potential relationship. This is what I can't puzzle out:
1). If someone wants to be monogamous, why date a cheater in a monogamous relationship?
2). If someone doesn't want to be monogamous but wants to have long term romantic relationships, why would they be unwilling to date a poly person?
3). Pertaining to my particular case, why might someone date several poly people for several years, break up with all of them because they supposedly want to be monogamous, and in the same breath talk about pursuing a relationship with a monogamous married person?
My metamours and I are having such a hard time wrapping our minds around this. I mentioned it to some friends, and they said while they don't understand it, they have known people who could accept cheating relationships, but not poly ones. I'd like to understand the motivation there. Can anyone give me some perspective?