Originally Posted by dingedheart
Do you realize most or many of your past descriptions of your relationship with your husband center on the longevity and friendship and material stuff. The house ...decor choices or similar taste in decorating ... investment landscaping. Are you consciously or unconsciously phrasing it this way? Love is never high on the list or mentioned ....or at least in regards to him. ( Disclaimer ...I haven't gone back and read every thread and post ...going from memory and this thread) I do invite the fact checkers....not that I have to
ARE YOU in love with him ?
Is he in love with you ?
If you didn't have the kids or the house what would each of you do ? I think you should both play out this hypothetical in therapy.
He and I share many of the same desires when it comes to home and family. I love our home and family. I love him. I am not always "in love" with him, but the feeling does come back from time to time. I don't really want to live alone, nor do I want to live with any other man. My husband is the man I want to share a home with. I guess some of it could be seen as material, but there is also an emotional significance when we harvest fruit from trees we planted together a dozen years ago, or cook in the kitchen we created out of shared ideas and inspiration when we remodeled it together.
Part of the appeal of polyamory, for me, is that when I can enjoy intimate connections with more than one person, no one has to satisfy all my emotional needs. I can love my husband so much more for who he is if I am not resenting the things about him that don't fulfill me. He does fulfill me in many ways -just not all the ways I seek.
I go social dancing. Everyone knows that if you only ever dance with one partner, your dancing will be very slow to improve. You may actually build in bad habits that make you difficult for others to dance with. You will probably get bored. If you dance with many different partners, you will be constantly learning new steps, perfecting your physical communication skills, expanding your repertoire, honing your own personal style, and of course, having a rich and interesting social experience. This is what I want in life.