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Old 11-28-2012, 01:58 PM
xkandakex xkandakex is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 2
Default How to NOT ruin this?

In my intro post I gave a brief description of my recent "coming out" as poly...

I am in a deep and extremely loving relationship with my SO of two years, NK. He's an amazing guy. He knew right from the get-go that I am (and always have been) bi, and he was fine with that. The thing that I have always hidden from everyone, until just a few weeks ago, is the fact that I tend to fall in love with people at the same time. I don't go looking for it of course, but hey, does anyone really control what their heart does?

Well I suppose for a variety of positive reasons -- being in a truly nurturing relationship, gaining self-confidence with an awesome career change into something I love to do, and having a great social life for once -- I was inspired to be myself for once and tell him about my poly-ness a few weeks ago. At first it was very, very rough, if only for the fact that he had pretty much no idea what poly really is about and had his head filled with the stereotypical misconceptions that most seem to have. But I am lucky enough to be with a person who loves me SO much, that he's been willing to learn as much as he can on the subject and, as he confesses, feels even more strongly for me now that I have opened up to him.

MEANWHILE...

At my 6-months-new job as a graphic designer at a winery (yes, that sounds like a bizarre fantasy job but it's true), I've made quite a few friends. The winery is a relatively small family operation -- not a Napa Valley giant by any means -- but certainly keeps us all busy. It's one of those places where everyone is close and knows everyone's business and there ARE no secrets because it's impossible to keep them for long. In particular I befriended one of the assistant wine makers, CW, who at the time of our meeting was also in a committed relationship of 7 years. Long story short on that one, his fiancee was a nightmare. Everyone hated her, and about 2 months ago he FINALLY broke it off with her, much to everyone's relief.

During the summer, CW and I spend time together and become close. I start to enter emotional shut-down mode in order to prevent myself from developing stronger feelings for him. This is a response I learned early on, hiding my poly side for so many years. Nip it in the bud, right? Except it makes me miserable, weighs on me, and causes me to become bitter at home with NK (who is of course oblivious at this point).

What makes it even more miserable is that this man's affections for me are apparently so strong, that despite being very clear to him that I am with NK in a serious relationship, he still professes his love for me.

Well that was the final straw. I felt like God himself was handing me this rarest of things, the one thing I had denied myself forever. Therefore I confess my polyamorous ways to NK as well as CW on separate occasions, both men cry and are confused, but then STILL both say they love me.

A few days ago I had them both over at the house. They were extremely tense, but they ended up being nice to one another and actually getting along quite well.

Could I really be so lucky? Any advice on where to go from here to strengthen this potential dream come true would be appreciated.
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