Originally Posted by Ceoli
This is really interesting. It kind of touches on something that this guy I'm getting involved with wrote about. He wrote a great post
about why he thinks it's a good thing to compare different partners. I've found experiencing his perspective on it to be pretty refreshing. He sums it up really nicely in the conclusion to his post (I bolded the part I really like):
When you compare your lovers, when you notice the similarities and differences between your lovers--this is a necessary and inevitable consequence of seeing your lovers. Not as faceless, interchangeable units, but as human beings. You can not know a person, not in any meaningful way, without noticing those things that make that person unique.
It's not about comparing them on a stepladder to figure out which one is "best"--lessee, Gina gets four points for loving dogs, 'cause dogs are cool; joreth gets six bonus points because she hates the novel Stranger in a Strange Land, and I don't like it either1--and the one with the most points wins. 'Cause, y'know, the one with the most points is the best one.
Instead, it's about seeing each of my partners for exactly who she is. When you do that, you see that each person is someone who adds value to your life--value that any other person can't.
And that, my friends, is awesome.
haha, I kinda figured Joreth was a metamour of yours Ceoli.
she had interesting timing a while back.
I read that article and while I agree wholeheartedly I don't see it servicing my men well if I go on and on about comparing them. I do that is my head as a way of separating them as human beings, loving them for who THEY are and to keep perspective and my expectations at bay. It's like the whole talking about sex thing. If they ask or if it's necessary I will tell them how I see them as lovably different in certain ways. I also take a lot of comfort in knowing the ways they are the same too. This has also given me insight into myself and who I chose as a worthy person to invest in.
Mono compares me to his ex-wife this way too and also notes our differences (sexually and otherwise). So does my husband come to think of it... he compares his partners to his mother in character yet notes the differences we have also. All of it is interesting and helpful but there is a find line between too much talking, just as there is about sex talk.