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Old 11-28-2012, 03:48 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,900

For the record, from the other side...I (a happily married and poly woman with no interest in cheating on my husband or my boyfriend) am an INCURABLE flirt - and incredibly sensitive to "cues" that my chosen victim expresses. I flirt with everyone, all of the time, as far as they will let me take it, all of the time. It has little, if anything, to do with sexual intent. That being said: sexual innuendo and suggestive touching are definitely in there; if anyone anywhere could vaguely consider it "flirting" - I'm there and just past it. ( I love to push them.)

For me...kissing is not flirting, sex (of any sort) is (obviously) not flirting. Sitting on someone's lap, feeding them tasty tidbits, ruffling their hair and giving them a good look down my shirt...still just flirting.

It has literally nothing to do with disrespect for/of their partner(s)..who I may or may not know, or even know if they exist. From my standpoint (and I know that many disagree with me - my husband does* ) it is the responsibility of the person who is in a relationship to communicate the boundaries of what they are comfortable with in terms of their existing relationships. If they don't put the brakes on, then I certainly won't. (Although I will certainly think less of them and limit my future interactions if I later discover that they overstepped boundaries with me that they had agreed to uphold for someone else.)


*To be clear - my husband disagrees with me on my level of culpability in terms of the effect of my flirting on other people's relationships, not with my actions with regard to OUR relationship - we are on the same page there. I am responsible for MY OWN actions...I think that other people are responsible for THEIRs, he feels that I share some responsibility for their actions as well...I disagree. We know that we disagree on this, we have for 20 years, our knowledge of our disagreement informs our reactions to certain circumstances...
JaneQ(Me): poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (25+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (7+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, ex-FWBs to SLeW, friends with MrS
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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