his first "date" coming up...
Hey all. I haven't posted much, so quick background, my husband and I have been swinging for 2 yrs, and about 6 mo. ago decided to try a more poly approach than just sex. Right now, he is looking for a gf, for a V or even a triad if it worked out that way. I would like a bf, but he isn't comfortable with that, and I am ok respecting that. I have a fwb who comes over for 3somes, but I do not go out on my own.
We set up accounts on OKcupid and plenty of fish to look for a gf for him, with some luck, not alot, a few chats, but that's about it. Well in the meantime, he reconnected with an old friend who was a fwb he had before we met. He invited her out to dinner. Which no big deal, even if we weren't poly, dinner with an old friend wouldn't bother me. Then they started flirting in texts. Which bothered me because he had not even explained about being poly, my thoughts etc. He flirted and she flirted right back, knowing that he was married and having no idea that he "has permission" to flirt. I was upset, I told him that I don't have a problem with it, IF she knows that I am ok with it and accepting of the situation. It's not fair to either of us if he doesn't put that right out there up front before anything happens. So he talked to her some about it, but I can't really tell from text messages what she thinks or if she fully understands it all.
I am also feeling a kind of I guess jealousy/insecurity because he allready knows her. I feel like if this was a girl from okcupid then we would both learn about her together at the same time. Now I feel some kind of "disadvantage" because he allready knows this girl and I don't. Also, it's very clear on okcupid what the situation is and what we are looking for, and I don't know that it has all been very clear to her yet.
They are going out to dinner Friday. I don't want to "limit" what is allowed on this date; but I feel like I need to at least until I know that she is clear on what the situation is ??
I don't know if I have a specific question, I just want some thoughts and opinions of someone who knows more than we do LOL