Thank you for your reply. These are very good questions.
Originally Posted by sparklepop
1. Do YOU really want a relationship with this girl? Or are you wary, because of her communication/commitment issues?
2. If you do, how fast or slow do YOU want to go? Or, what do you want to see/hear from her before you are willing to see her again?
3. Would you consider it ok for hubby to date her, if you decided she wouldn't be good for you personally?
4. Would you be ok to negotiate a budget around her eventually IF he wanted to date her alone... or IF you both wanted to date her?
What do you think?
1. I am would like to date her if she is willing to talk things through, and we find ourselves on the same page. I don't feel the new buzz, but I am interested. However, given her recent and not so recent behavior, I doubt her willingness to talk to me. This makes me skeptical about the relationship. I'm wary.
2. If she wanted to use her time and money to travel, it would be nice to see her, but I don't want to drain our savings account and put other relationships and friendships on the back burner for this. I want to date without a relationship for awhile, seeing each other once in awhile and forming a bond gradually over time. Then, if things work out well, we could consider some of the things he is talking about.
3. It would be ok for hubby to date her by himself if she was at least willing to discuss sexual health, financial responsibilities, other relationships, commitment, etc.
4. The budget issue is sketchier. I have long distance relationships that have been intact for years, and I see each person once every few months, we take turns picking up the tab. Spending a lot more on the newest person in the arrangement does not seem like a good idea to me. If we couldn't afford it for those relationships, which we agreed upon a long time ago and continued to agree upon, why can we afford it now?
I am worried about pushing this issue too much when I am not getting much of a response, but he's now planning to out us to people we have purposefully remained closeted to for years over this person. He's not risking work, but he is talking about exposing himself to his family finding out from someone other than him and thinks this is ok so he can have her around for a weekend. I am having difficulty slowing him down regardless of what I say.