Originally Posted by crisare
In fact I'd go so far as to say that if my guy's wife or my H demanded blow-by-blow details or required that everything we did or said was open to her, I would see that as a sign of insecurity on their parts - that he or she is not able to allow us a private intimate relationship, which could create problems down the road.
(bolding/underlining by me)
I think that word is KEY here.
I was reading (and rereading) your post and Ceoli's previous post.
I FEEL so comfortable with Ceoli's way of expecting it to go. It FEELS so much more..... real? to me.
But I read yours and something triggered. So in re-reading it I finally got, it's DEMANDING.
That is something I DEFINITELY attribute to insecurity. I think JUST as strongly as "don't tell me I don't want to know" (not sure what that would be called in one word).
I think that a comfortable acceptance of "what will be, will be" in action and conversation, is a true sign of security. Not a rule of either or.
I personally don't spend ANY time "comparing" my men, and I don't share things to appease their desire to do so (not saying that they do desire to, just making a point). I would and have shut down conversation before IMMEDIATELY when I got the impression that information was being requested for the purpose of comparing or competing.
But I do like knowing that I CAN tell GG "OMG last night Maca did......... and OMG it was SO FUCKING AWESOME" or (as I have said often) "OMG Maca is SO fucking amazing when he goes down, I can't fathom why women aren't standing in line."
GG is confident in his own strengths and he just finds it amusing. He isn't sitting there asking "well what exactly does he do.." because he doesn't NEED or WANT to BE Maca. He knows that I love things he does for how HE does them and he knows I love things Maca does for how Maca does them....
I guess for me-(I know what 5 minutes from the last post and I change details of my thoughts.
I guess you all just make me think!
For me, I would prefer the FREEDOM to talk about things if they were pertinent and for a level of trust that I wouldn't be sharing information that was going to be hurtful or used against the other lover......
I would prefer a level of trust in ME that my partners would know I wouldn't be sharing information that was intended to be hurtful to either of them or that was likely to be used by one lover to hurt the other.... I would prefer that they both trust me enough to know that I choose partners who have heart and consideration and maturity and an ability and willingness to act in manners that show those things not only to me but to one another...