IMHO there is no sense in trying to have the "right" expectations. Ideals like that rarely reflect human behavior even when they can be defined. The question i would ask is if you all expect the same things out of the relationship. After thinking about this, you could decide you can adapt your desires to the relationship by trying to accept the relationship in its current state. You may or may not be successful in this. Or you could try to work on changing your relationship with your partners by working towards mutual goals (try to make them as specific as possible. Focus on what you would like instead of only the things you want to avoid. For example, instead of saying you don't want to feel unloved because he is not affectionate, say you'd really appreciate it if he could always hug you during hellos and goodbyes. It might not be spontaneous, but if he does it for you even when he doesn't feel like it, you can see a sign of caring in his actions that may go a long way towards making you feel valued). If neither of the above options seem promising, you can leave the relationship Remember that it is your responsibility to communicate with your partners and to look out for your best interests. Take care of yourself first.