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Old 11-27-2012, 10:18 AM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 826

Originally Posted by sparklepop View Post
The first time I read this, I swear I saw something about Margarita night... hahaha.... But, yes, it made absolute sense
Ha yes. Then I edited. I saw Ernest Hemingway's quote yesterday “Write drunk; edit sober.”

I can identify with most of what you said, the trying to figure out what to do when you aren't 100% sure of either path. I think it's great you've already thought about all the sides of everything already.

Reading your responses, my path would likely be ditching any requirement to talk about and get OK for sexual partners ahead of time and see how that worked. She'd hopefully feel comfortable doing whatever felt right for her, and you'd either find out she was doing stuff that made you uncomfortable (ie a new partner every few weeks who wasn't proactive in their sexual health, getting involved with people who cheat, a string of one night stands only or taking her freedom and getting into lots of intense NRE situations). Or you might find that your interactions are blessed because you're not distracted on your dates about discussions of what might be happening next.

Her dealing with her husband and their agreements, well at least that's up to them, at least you wont be worrying you're "stifling" her.

Originally Posted by sparklepop View Post
She says that she bends over backwards to accommodate us and wonders when her return will be.
In a timely fashion I was having a discussion this month about what negotiation meant to me, and I brought it up to my husband. For me I don't feel like negotiation is giving something up, it's working to make sure both parties are comfortable. For my husband it was more along the lines of if he does or accepts some things that he doesn't really want, that he is OK with that because at some point there will be a "return" This has led to some interesting talks, but if he said he felt he bent over backwards to accommodate ME and and expected to get his at some point - if I didn't feel he was justified in feeling that or he had not mentioned that agreements he made weren't what he'd really want - I think I'd be a bit worried about that and what it indicated (no idea what the actual situation is in your relationship of course).
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
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