Thread: feel betrayed
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Old 11-27-2012, 09:22 AM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Middle of Oregon
Posts: 422
Default Good to hear everything worked out

Which is why I am hesitant to reply, but maybe it will help another reader looking for ideas regarding similar situations. But just to stress the importance of talking to him if it happens again, especially before you get upset enough to cancel a date. I should also throw in a disclaimer before mentioning what I am going to say next, and that is that I take sexual health and safety too seriously for some people's comfort. I was immediately seeing fluid bonding agreements as not a good idea from the few details you shared with the forum.

Mostly because if you have to ask a person about their sexual interactions, that's not knowing them well enough to risk having unprotected sex with them. But again, I would be considered paranoid to some people however I personally would never consider unprotected agreements with a person I didn't know very well. As in I would know them well enough to be able to discern what was going on (and they would know to say something to me before I began questioning)

another scenario could be that this person isn't practiced with good communication. Sometimes people don't have the courage they appear to have and so rather than being direct they will intentionally make it look as if they engaged in sex acts when they did not. Some people view it as a good way to "test" their partners but I see it as nothing more than playing games. Non-monogamy will present more than enough "tests" without the added stress of doing it just for the sake of going through the motions. I have a hard time trusting people that create "extra" hurdles to clear in an already difficult race.

But to reiterate, many people do not share my views when it comes to distinguishing between total freedom of expressing love and sexual desires, and the same total freedom when your behavior affects others you care about and/or the people you consider "friends"

While it is a completely different story if the only people you have sex with are people you don't really know, when your sexual partners include those that you are close with it demands a high level of responsibility. That responsibility is necessary, so that all controllable risk is eliminated. From my point of view, it's having friends that share my values of what it means to fulfill that level of responsibility that makes it possible to enjoy the greatest pleasures and joy that intimate friendships can offer. Both the superficial pleasure of the mere acts of sex AND the trust and love that can result from intimate relationships have so much more potential euphoria than most people have ever experienced that some people describe it as losing their real virginity because what they previously experienced compared to now can only be put into meaningful words by saying they are different people all together.

I am not attempting to be blasphemous, but nothing else feels so much as like being literally "born again" because the difference is too drastic to call the previous experiences anything more than masturbation .

The power that truth, trust, and deep levels of intimacy hold are much greater than most people realize. But it could also just be that I have a seriously delusional view of Love and Sex

Last edited by Dirtclustit; 11-27-2012 at 09:50 AM.
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