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Old 11-27-2012, 05:01 AM
Rynn Rynn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Inverness UK
Posts: 11
Default New here, and new to the concept of polyamory

Hello all I've just joined after many, many months of lurking and reading all the fantastic advice on here. I've been considering an open marriage for some time now, but still feel a bit confused so I was hoping for some advice.

My husband and I have been married for almost 6 years, together for 8. We have one child and are currently in a monogamous relationship.

We both work... a lot. I work 6 days a week, and so does my husband who is in the military (I'm in the reserves but have a full time job too). We work opposite shifts and time together is limited, but we always make the most of it. We love each other very deeply and trust each other implicitly. This time next year the military will part us and we will live on opposite sides of the country and see each other about once every 2-4 weeks. I don't ever want to lose my husband, but I would like us to be able to have connections with other people. With the lack of time and intimacy we have, although we make the most of it when we have time off together, when we don't have time for each other we can often get snappy with one another as we both feel neglected.

I'm a pretty open, trusting person but my husband can sometimes get a little jealous so I worry about how he'll react when I bring up an open marriage. I don't want to hurt him, and equally I don't want him to think that I only want this so I can have sex with a whole bunch of other men. In fact, that hasn't even crossed my mind yet. I'm at the 'I'd like to go for coffee and see how things go' stage.

I've always been incredibly loyal to my husband, but I've never felt monogamous. I've never cheated, or so much as looked at another man. However, my husband has had three affairs in the time we've been together. The last affair was nearly two years ago and was the longest, lasting almost a year. If I'm honest, the physical connection never bothered me about my husband's affairs, it was the fact he lied to me about it all and it was a huge secret that nearly tore our family apart. Now, two years on we have an incredibly strong relationship, much stronger than before because we both put in 100% effort to fix it, and it was a lot of hard work.

So here's the issue. My husband obviously needs something outside our marriage, which I'm ok with. I just need the openness, trust and truth. However, I don't want him to think I'm only suggesting this so I can sleep around. I love him, I don't want to hurt him in any way. I could never cheat or do anything without his knowledge.

I'm just not sure how to broach this subject and try and show him the positive affects it could have on our relationship.

So I guess, in a long winded way, I'm asking how you broached the subject with your significant other and what reasons you had for opening up your relationship.

I'm sure it's been asked a hundred times before, but I appreciate any advice.
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