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Old 11-27-2012, 01:58 AM
AnotherConfused AnotherConfused is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 264

I think we have a new agreement to try out.

Before we had the 2-day-a-month relationship we had this awkward arrangement where C would try to fit in visits here on his way to and from other things. He is overly optimistic in the way he plans his time, so all too often what would start out as a plan to spend a few hours together would get squished down into an hour or sometimes nothing at all. If we did end up with time, we found ourselves frequently stumbling into something that upset my husband.

C was going to spend today with me since we had set aside this time for the overnight trip that got cancelled. Then he decided he should get home for a music rehearsal, since he travels so much he misses quite a few. So we were going to have the morning, but he was delayed getting himself out of town from where he spent last night (2 hours away) so we only ended up with a lunch date. Meanwhile my husband and I were negotiating whether he was allowed in our house (yes, but only parts), how my husband would work his schedule to avoid crossing paths, etc. All these old problems and issues. No good. Not for any of us.

Now my husband says he will be fine with me going on overnight trips, so long as there is no sexual intimacy. C and I have picked a date at the end of next week. I told my husband I need to be sure this is really our agreement -not his ideal situation, nor mine, but a compromise we are both agreeing to, and that I will not be accused of doing anything wrong if I stick to it. He says yes. I hope it works.

I find it a little ridiculous to think that I have a boyfriend who is not allowed to undress me, and we are not 15 years old but 41 and 57. However, we thought we could give each other foot rubs and write lines of poetry back and forth, and dance, and perhaps end up with a deeper bond than if our time spent together mostly entailed me saying, "Mmm, oooh, aaah!" (Come to think of it, my 15 year old boyfriend was one of the sweetest, with all the innocent romantic gestures.) Of course we both hold out hope that someday down the line we'll get more than this, but for now, this is better than nothing. (Come to think of it, my 15 year old boyfriend several years later provided some mighty hot sex, off and on over the years.)
Married to a monogamous man 15 yrs, mother of 2, dating C 3 yrs, and in a romantic friendship with L more than 20 yrs
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