View Single Post
  #45  
Old 11-26-2012, 07:48 PM
Anneintherain's Avatar
Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 822
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Numina View Post
As in he knew how I felt about him going up to visit her on her lunch break when it should be our time together. When I finally got fed up and made a big deal about it he finally told me that he can't just tell Chipmunk that he's not bring her a lunch that she'd get upset with him. So I told him that months ago he had talked to her about needing to spend more time with me, and that a 3 hour time limit isn't spending quality time together.
How about you and he schedule whatever days a week for him to stay home with you during lunch, write it down on the calendar, and mention to Chipmunk that he has plans with you those days. Really if she will get upset about that - well, let her. That's ridiculous

Quote:
Originally Posted by Numina View Post
Actually in my anger I have asked for this, and when I'm calmer I have been talked into letting things ride. So I feel stuck. I have talked to Airyn about this some what, but I don't think he really understands. So yeah I feel like I'm not being heard. I can talk about what i want, and be told ok we can do that, and then not get it, and come back and talk about it again, and again till I'm in tears. Then Airyns finally sees that something has to be done, and one issue will get fixed. I don't feel that it should be this hard.

I feel I should be able to ask for what i want, and be heard, and have my desires/wants/needs considered. IF it's not something that will work right now OK acknowledge that, and move on to something that can happen. But don't promising me something, and then not deliver.

As far as a larger place is concerned, I have no idea if it is something that will work. I'm very back and forth on the whole thing. Which is probably why you can't tell how I feel about it. I'll have a great couple hours with Airyn, and feel like this can all work, then something shitty happens, and it falls apart for me. Airyn is ok with letting things roll as is, but I'm not. We are still talking about it. Hopefully after Chipmunk goes to work today He and i can talk before Wolf comes home.

Now to figure out how to get my needs heard. That is part of the disconnect with Airyn and I. I'll start doing some reading online about roommate relationship conversations. Cause you are right i see her as an adult version of Wolf, and treat her a lot like I treat Wolf now. I need to stop doing that, and maybe lead Airyn to stop by example? It's worth a shot.
Well since I'm feeling chatty today -
Do you recognize that the reason you aren't getting some of your needs met is because you back down almost every chance you get? Seems you change what you are OK with based on how things are with you and Airyn at that moment. How can you get what you want if as soon as you state what it is, you follow it up with "But I don't have to have it". Well of course you aren't going to get it then. Bite your tongue! You are sending muddy messages, Airyn might be getting some blame for things when he feels he's just trying to follow whatever you said last.

You know, if she moves out and lives separately, its not as if down the road when everybody thinks living together would be a healthy and fun thing for all involved that you cant all move in together then. That could be a very sensible plan.
__________________
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
Reply With Quote