"When I finally got fed up and made a big deal about it he finally told me that he can't just tell Chipmunk that he's not bring her a lunch that she'd get upset with him."
So your upsetness doesn't matter but hers does? He has GOT to take a step back and realize the double-standard he's applying here (and I don't just mean in this one instance). I mean, is he capable of imagining himself in your position, if you were walking on eggshells to avoid potentially hurting a new younger boyfriend's feelings, while he struggled and struggled to get his basic relationship needs met, and you continually blew off his concerns as unviable or unfair or etc etc etc (add your excuse here!)? I wonder if he would be as patient as you have been.
I feel like I'm seeing a pattern repeat here that I've seen in too many other people's stories. A couple opens their relationship. Partner A gets caught up in NRE with Partner C and begins being unfair to Partner B. Partner B deals with this for a while, but is eventually so hurt that they can no longer stomach the presence of Partner C at all, or, in some cases, polyamory period. So, the NRE-generating relationship ends, everyone feels terrible, the relationship may or may not stay open... heck, the original relationship may not even survive. Whereas if Partner B's concerns had just been dealt with up front, and treated as valid and important, things could have been shifted into a sustainable dynamic BEFORE it all collapsed. That's where I see this going. I hope your husband wakes up before he drives off the cliff, y'know?
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.