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Old 12-26-2009, 06:34 PM
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crisare crisare is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 172

Setting up a policy to prescribe how one can and can't talk about these things just doesn't make sense to me.
Ah. I see. I think there's a bit of a misunderstanding here - and possibly due to my finally realizing a communication error.

Ceoli, it seems (based on this and other posts) you automatically equate "policy" with "prescriptive". It also seems that you're equating having a "policy" with having hard and fast, carved in stone rules.

Not everyone equates having a policy with prescribing behavior. For us the policy is mostly an unspoken one based on a conversation we had a few years ago. It's not a prescriptive rule or demand on either of our parts. It's knowing each other well enough (having been married for going on 12 years now and knowing each other for nearly 18) that this is the amount of information each would be comfortable with.

When we first discussed opening our marriage after our separation, I was dating someone else. I asked my H how much he wanted to know - and was willing to tell him anything and everything he wanted to hear - and he said he didn't need to know details ... that as long as I let him know who I was seeing and when (so he didn't wait dinner on me or whatever), he didn't really want to know more. I realized that he had a level of discomfort hearing about my having sex with someone else and I respect that. I also know that (given his particular sexual kinks) I would not be comfortable hearing about the sex he had with someone else. That's not insecurity on my part or his - it's just a level of comfort with what he enjoys vs. what I enjoy.

THAT is the limit of our "policy". We know what our limits are on personal information and we respect that with each other.

I think when you read that someone has a "policy" you assume that it is a hard and fast prescriptive rule. Not all policies fit that description.

Last edited by crisare; 12-26-2009 at 06:48 PM.
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