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Old 11-26-2012, 03:45 AM
1of4 1of4 is offline
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 33
Post Holidays, Families, Friends & Being "In the Closet"

My husband and I are currently in an exclusive, 18-month "quad" relationship with another married couple. We weren't looking for it, never could have imagined a relationship like this two years ago, but it happened...and we've grown to care a great deal for them and them us. It is incredible in so many ways and all four of us are equally invested in the relationship. We live over an hour apart, but we find ways to spend at least one night together each week, usually two, and sometimes more. We've traveled with them twice, spending a week with them each time. We've integrated each other into our own social circles and have started to introduce each other to family when they visit. We've now started to discuss the idea of moving to live nearer to each other. If we get closer to making that a reality I'm sure I'll be back with all sorts of questions about that.

But right now I am just wondering how you all deal with keeping your relationships a secret (not how you keep it a secret, but how you DEAL with it). It just sucks sometimes and I start to get really down about it. The other husband in our quad would absolutely, without any doubt, lose his entire career if our relationship ever got out. Because of the public visibility of his position, even gossip could be disastrous for him. So we need to be really careful.

The longer this goes on and the more frequently we are together around family and friends, the harder I am finding "being in the closet" to be. I have this truly meaningful, emotional relationship and very intense sexual chemistry with this man and yet when we are around anyone else we have to pretend that we are just friends. No touching, no flirting, we're even careful not to look at each other too much because we're afraid someone will see the chemistry between us. The same with my husband and the other wife. The disconnect is just so hard at times. I love being a part of their life and them ours, but after spending time around other people like that, and hiding our relationship, I always feel slightly depressed...sad I guess that I don't really see a future where we could ever be open. What we have is so incredible and so perfect for the four of us that I hate having to hide it. And now that we are in the holiday season, we're going to have a lot of times coming up when we are in the presence of other friends and family and we'll have to hide it. Just the thought of it depresses me.

I'm just wondering if anyone else can relate or offer any advice about how I can come to terms with the idea that we will forever have to keep this relationship a secret. Thanks!

Last edited by 1of4; 11-26-2012 at 01:23 PM. Reason: clarity and typos
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