Hello from Wisconsin
I'm a married woman who has been dabbling in poly dating. We've been swinging for about 2.5 years, and I found that that while swinging is great for my husband, it isn't ideal for me because of the lack of an emotional/intellectual connection. So we've continued with swinging, but added the possibility of me dating on my own.
So far I guess I've done a bad job of that. I seem to end up with guys who see me as a time-filler until a single woman comes along, or else they see me as more of a FWB than anything more. Not that there's anything wrong with either arrangement, but neither is really what I am looking for. I've been rethinking how to manage things better. I think one thing I need to do is allow friendships to develop for awhile before I consider whether I want to date a person. We are closeted in terms of our non-monogamy, so existing friends are out of the question for dating. I have been looking for dates on OK Cupid, but then I have been starting out "dating" them once rapport and chemistry has been established. I am thinking maybe if I slow things down and establish a better base of friendship, I'll get better results and weed out the guys looking for fuck buddies or who aren't really interested in getting to know me as a person.
I guess that sounds pretty obvious when I write it out that way.
At any rate, I'm excited to have found this forum. I already have found a lot of food for thought and hope to find more and make some connections.