Spent the day with Ocean yesterday on his birthday. Made him a breakfast with walnuts in everything, cos he's always putting walnuts in food these days. Was delish
Menrva came over in the morning to wish him happy birthday... She'd baked him a cake! She often visits with Bert in tow, but yesterday it was just her which was nice for a change. Ocean and her kissed and cuddled for a bit while I finished up in the kitchen. We sang happy birthday, he cut the cake, it was good! I am unskilled in baking so I appreciate people in my social circle who whip things together in the oven.
Soon after Menrva left, Grotto rang Ocean to wish him happy birthday. I didn't ask or remind him to do so, and it was really sweet of him. Functionality is so, so good
During the day, Ocean and I headed out to a cultural festival at a nearby reserve. The weather was perfect - somehow both warm and cool at the same time. Lazy Sunday afternoon, good music. Yup.
Dinner with Menrva, Bert and a few mutual friends. The table was a rectangle so it wasn't the best for talking with everyone. I was sitting on one end, and Menrva at the other, so Ocean changed seats a couple of times during the dinner in order to circulate.
At one point, Menrva posed with him for a picture. Bert took it. Ocean was very confused as to how to act, though Menrva was quite cuddly! It's a cute pic, but you can tell he's unsure of what to do, both in front of the work colleague and also Bert (given their DADT which is seeming less of a reality the more they spend time together... there have been a few occasions sitting outside at social events recently where Menrva's lying curled up between Ocean & Bert.)
Things in the main are excellent. Re: Ocean & Menrva, I have moments now and then of feeling a teensy bit vile/vindictive? Not sure the best word to describe. But it feels like I'm choosing to take offence, in a passive-aggressive or self-sabotage-y way. It's usually over a tiny thing but it hangs heavy emotionally. An example: yesterday at dinner, Ocean asked me if I wanted to share a particular dessert with him. I said, sure, that sounds good, and added that I was probably going to get some ice cream too if he wanted to share that. After that, he moved to the other end of the table to chat with Bert, Menrva etc. When desserts came, I noticed he'd ordered something else (not something I had wanted to try, but ok). We had a quick back & forth across the table (me: "Oh, you got that?" him: "yeah I changed my mind." me: "Ah, ok") and went back to our respective conversations. My ice cream was good and I'm not even really that
into desserts, so I was satisfied with the status quo. But... Menrva and he started sharing his dessert, and were chatting between themselves... and I felt that jealous twinge. Jesus, am I really that petty? I felt it simmering inside me, and it wasn't even that I particularly wanted to try the dessert, it was almost like I was attracted to the excuse (however small) to be jealous.
I put it down to Ocean and I needing a proper date, with time to tease out emotions, talk and fuck, pretty much. We've got visitors coming over this evening for a few days. After they leave, we schedule some playtime asap - yay!
Menrva and Bert head off in about 10 days, for six weeks. Looking forward to the space there too, spending time with Ocean, shoring up ourselves.
Hope to catch Grotto for lunch today (before visitors get here) because it might be a while before I can see him properly. Argh, being busy. I'm glad it's no chore to make time for Ocean or Grotto, though. It's what I want.
Still haven't written The Letter to Ella. Gotta do that before I blog again here, seriously.