Originally Posted by Dirtclustit
Who knows, perhaps you're already set up to achieve what most search for but never find, whereas you guys can see your dreams unfolding, it's just this is the beginning, like buying your first house.
Thanks, I'm definitely looking at the situation this way. This is a new beginning for the both of us. It took us years of trial and error to be able to have our relationship the way it is now (swinging), so it makes total sense that in order to be poly it will also take time to adjust to something new.
Originally Posted by sparklepop
Have you ever heard Sternberg's theory of love? It is not directly based on polyamory; but I feel it can definitely relate. The idea is that there are 7 different types, or stages, of love, based on the combination of different facets - passion, intimacy and commitment. The final, ideal, stage is 'consumate love', which is a solid combination of the three. Consumate love takes time - you aren't going to have it for other people straight away. This may help you to understand and explain what kind of love you feel for your friend, as opposed to your husband. And I do know what you mean - I've fallen in love with two people at once... but not in the same way. Using this article, I have discovered that I absolutely feel consumate love for my girlfriend and have yet to feel that level of love for a secondary partner.
Wow, that article was exactly what I needed to describe my feelings. I feel much more "in charge" of what I'm trying to get across to my husband now. Hopefully when he understands the difference between the love I have for him and our friend he can begin to feel less like "he doesn't have all that I need/want". Or that I love him less than before, which isn't the case.
Thanks to everyone who posted. I think I'm okay with how things are turning out for now and hopefully in the future I can update on how things are going.
I'm definitely open to more opinions and advice, so keep it coming!