Sparkle...extremeley informative. I will answer all of ur questions here now...and give as much info as i can. We opened after a long discussion with her. She had been without sex for a long time...she had left her husband and was without it long before she left. Her and her kids lived with us for 6 months when she left. I dont really remember how it came up...but it started as a joke...and lead to me exploring poly. I realized that not only could it help him and I grow and bond as a couple... but could ultimately help to make me a better person. I was previously EXTREMELY jealous and would flip out if he so much as looked at another woman. I could not continue my life or my marriage in this manner...and wanted to grow personally. I knew there had always been an attraction between them... so i also thought that i would rather know wut was happening and give my complete consent and have knowledge rather than something happening behind my back. Not that it would have happened...but i didnt even want the possibility of cheating out there.
I noticed almost immediately tje ways it HAS helped my marriage. And except for a few issues on my end i think...its still a positive in our lives.
His gf is single. She was our friend long before any of this. Her and her kids lived with us for 6 months when she left her husband. She is scared to death in todays world to start a sexual relationship with just anyone. She was without sex for a year before this started. Part of the reason this happened is so she could be safe while still meeting a physical need. They WERE just fwb. There are boundaries. All ageed on. I have to grant permission beforhand. Only becuz if i am needing him later that day becuz something is going on that is emotionally difficult...or i have something romantic planned for later for us. I do not want to be with him on the days he is with her.
Yes we have a hierarchy. I am primary. Though lately i feel secondary. My husband really is wonderful and tells me always how much he loves me...and is in love with me...and only wants to be in love with me. He says he does not want to be in love with anyone else. That i fill all of his emotional needs. As far as our time together...its not much. I work full time. And hes self employed. Sometimes hes working his butt off and sometimes hes without any work. She goes to school 2 days a week. So if he isnt working and she doesn't have class...shes here all day while im at work and stays until about 9 at night. That varies...but usually its about 9. I get home at 5. Sometimes the only time we get alone is when we go to bed. Most times in fact. Any time i mite have with him is shared with her. But he is very reassuring on his depth of emotion for only me. To this day...he still feels terribly guilty for the physicalness of it all with her. And i honestly think hes flattered that 2 women are in love with him. Since she admitted she is in love with him...now he must also meet her emotional needs too. I will not tolerate her living with us again. My kids are older...hers are young. And destructive. Lol. Shes here too much for my liking as it is. The few hours a week we have alone is usually very good. We talk...snuggle...etc. It just isnt enuff for me. She spends at least 6 times more time with him than i do. And thats a good week. Usually its more like ten. But he is completely invested in our marriage. This i know.
I hope i have answered ur questions. If not...i will if i missed something. Just let me know. Thank you for ur responses.
To anne...i can hardly make ends meet now. Especially with hubby out of work rite now. I had thought about therapy...i just absolutely cannot afford it.