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Old 11-25-2012, 12:18 PM
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rory rory is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Europe
Posts: 497

Mya is coming to visit me and Alec. Fun! It's becoming maybe something of a by-monthly thing, and I like that. I so much enjoy that, being in the same city, all group time is 100% optional. That has a huge psychological effect on me, because it rids me of any responsibility I feel about everybody having fun (not that it is anyway, but emotionally it's not always so simple). I also totally enjoy the fact that my partners like each other and seem to want to hang out with each other sometimes. That is totally cool!

I got a good idea today. It's been bugging me that even though we are now in Dream City, where there is insane amounts of cool stuff to do and see, me and Alec never seem to get around to doing something together. It's the combination of lazy, my insane schedule, and serious lack of money (oh, btw, Alec FINALLY got to start his job last week! I have maybe never felt quite as relieved... Well, maybe when we got this apartment and didn't go homeless.. This fall has been stressful. Hopefully getting much better from now on! ). Totally understandable reasons, particularly the last two. However, there is a problem with this. When we don't take some time to reconnect, we tend to get along worse and also not communicate as well.

So, today we agreed to have a monthly date! We also agreed that we will take turns to plan something. I am really happy about both ideas. The dynamic in our relationship is that I am generally the one to organise things. This works for us, but it is work. And I don't want doing something together to be more work for me, so I would feel resentful if I was the only one to make the effort to plan something to do. However, with taking turns it feels completely different. I love love love to plan surprise stuff for somebody, it's the coolest. It is also really cool when somebody plans stuff for me, and it shows me they care. So, fun and not work at all!

We also agreed that some money (in dollars around 50) can be spent on the date despite the shitty financial situation. If not all of that allowance is used, even better. But at the moment we are not really prioritising maintenance of our relationship enough. So even though time and money are limited, some need to be set aside for this. $50 and a weekend day once a month cannot be too much. We set up dates in our calendars: Alec will plan our date next weekend, and I am planning the following one in January. Yay!

In other news, about jealousy. Firstly, it was interesting to notice that last time when Mya visited Home Country and met Bob, I had zero jealous feelings around that. It hasn't been bad before, either, but I did have some jealousy when Mya and Bob lived in the same town and I was in a LDR with her.

Secondly, there's been talk about Mya possibly dating some. She can write more about that, but basically I notice that she is, if not really seeking another relationship, more open to possibilities. I am happy to notice that I feel mostly relaxed about it all. Even if changes may be coming, I feel surprisingly calm. I guess I feel like I'm getting everything I could possibly want and need in our relationship. And I trust that Mya values our relationship and that she will make decisions that take it into account.

The only thing I've been slightly nervous about is the potential of her living with somebody else. I've had some very mild passing jealous feelings, too, which have actually been kinda funny. As in "how can Mya move in with somebody else when I was with her first??". Hahah But it's of course not what I actually think, and I would be fine with her finding a partner she wanted to live with. The only thing I am actually nervous about is how that might possibly affect our relationship: if we could see each other/ have sex as freely as now. Anyway, I do accept that it is possible that in some situation or with some person, she might want to trade some of the freedom away for the potential gains of live in partnership. But it comes down to the same thing as with the dating, I trust her to make decisions that take our relationship into account, and I am sure we would be able to find solutions to mitigate the impact. Also, I don't expect this to be an issue for the near future, so we will cross that bridge if/when we get there.
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