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Old 11-25-2012, 10:41 AM
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rory rory is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Europe
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Originally Posted by sparklepop View Post
) If you are happy for him to be dating at the moment, but simply want to deal with your pangs and handle your school work, could you take a look at how he communicates his poly activity with you? For example, a weekly poly talk where you discuss what's been going on. Or an agreement that he doesn't talk about poly things unless you ask.... that way, you can ask once your assignments are out of the way, or just before you're going out with friends, etc... basically... you can ask when you pick a good moment to deal with it, rather than having it forced into your head.
I was also thinking along these lines. Does he see different people or same? I would not suggest DADT or anything like that, but maybe it could be enough for you to know what he does, in general, without the need to be always told about the specifics or not necessarily right away.

For example, if he tends to go out/hook up with the same girl every week, maybe it would be enough to know that he does, without being separately told "hi I hooked up with her again today".

Or, if he usually goes to bars every weekend and most often ends up sleeping with somebody, maybe again he doesn't need to message you each time as long as you know that is something he does.

I don't know how much these pertain to your situation. Also, you'll need to think about whether they would help or if they might cause different discomfort. If unsure, maybe give it a shot and see if it works better?

Good luck!

Edit, oh, and totally get the feeling of lack of time and how that can make you feel like you don't have enough to give to your relationship. I am currently full time student, plus work every night. I have two partners, one of whom I live with, and I do often feel like I just have too little time and energy for everything. But when feeling overwhelmed, I try to remember that the situation won't be as hectic forever (even though that's not how it feels). I have good reasons to be in these relationships, and my partners are awesome people who I very much want to have in my life. So, I live day to day and make the necessary adjustments to make it work. Yet, it does come down to whether you think your relationship worth it or not.

Last edited by rory; 11-25-2012 at 10:49 AM.
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