For me I obviously have no problems with the detail of sexual information Redpepper shares with me about sex with her husband (threesomes and total compersion), although I don't want to hear things if they are negative in any way.
I do consider the stuff they do, as belonging to both of them so the information shared has to be agreed upon by both of them.
As far as her tersiary goes, I don't want to hear any of the sexual details and Redpepper respects this although she doesn't get it either LOL! She does know that it affects my energy, which usually renders me impotent so unless she has a headache I think she prefers me capable
(We have played together at a BDSM event but I don't consider that to be sexual for the most part)
What happens between Redpepper and me, I feel belongs to both of us and as long as we are aware of whom we are sharing that information with and are comfortable with that then it is all good. But if she decided to say "no details to anyone" I would understand and respect that.
Redpepper likes to share more details with other people than I do but she likes talking about sex and sexuality more than I do