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Old 11-25-2012, 12:24 AM
sparklepop sparklepop is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 467

Hi barefoot

This is a good question.

I am in a similar situation of sorts, so can relate. I am not at Uni (I'm 28), but I am finding myself too busy to be actively poly; whilst my GF (who lives in the US) is filling her time with other people. We run a business together and are very busy with that, I also work part time, have more friends to fit in and when we are long-distance, have an 8 hour time difference to my GF.

When I'm at home in the UK, her evenings are empty, as I am asleep, and she fills it with guys. My evenings, on the other hand, are spent talking to her, due to the time difference and the fact that she is awake. When she is asleep, it's my morning time and I'm often at work.


I have a number of suggestions for you to think about.

) Is your BF fully involved with someone else, or could you guys consider giving poly a break for a while? Would that help, or be too difficult for him? Would it be for a long time, or a short time?

) I used to want things to be equal... to have an extra partner when my GF had an extra partner. In truth, I am not capable of keeping up. She can spin a million plates and I can't. So why bother? Instead... have you thought about embracing the pangs for self-growth purposes? All too often, we turn to other people when we are feeling a void, instead of looking inside ourselves to fill it.

) If you are happy for him to be dating at the moment, but simply want to deal with your pangs and handle your school work, could you take a look at how he communicates his poly activity with you? For example, a weekly poly talk where you discuss what's been going on. Or an agreement that he doesn't talk about poly things unless you ask.... that way, you can ask once your assignments are out of the way, or just before you're going out with friends, etc... basically... you can ask when you pick a good moment to deal with it, rather than having it forced into your head.

Have you looked at any underlying issues? Are you really feeling jealousy, or are you feeling resentment that he has the time to be poly? Or perhaps, feeling like he doesn't care, because you have to struggle and work whilst he is off galavanting with other people?

As for the actual jealousy, Gala Girl posted this brilliant article the other day that says everything I would have said, but better!
Me: 32f, evolving

“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without." ~ Buddha
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