Thread: Are You "Out"?
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Old 11-24-2012, 11:52 PM
sparklepop sparklepop is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 467

Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
There are tons of threads about this already. Here is a link to one from the "Golden Nuggets" master thread:

Coming Out

here is another link to a Tag Search on Coming Out.

You can also refine these searches to search for specific details that you're interested in.

This is probably one of the most talked-about yet re-asked questions that shows up on these forums. Right up there with "What about raising children in a poly family" and "How do I deal with jealousy?"
You know what? I never understand why people feel the need to reply with 'this topic has been talked about before'.

If I read a thread that doesn't interest me, or I have seen the same thing before and don't feel like repeating myself, I just don't reply. It's not hard. Just move onto the next thread. Or post something that you deem refreshing. Or reply with something useful, then go the extra mile and make the helpful suggestion of previous threads at the end of your tailored advice.

People will come to this forum because they are new to polyamory. People who are new to polyamory WILL be wondering how to cope with jealousy. People who are at any stage of polyamory WILL sometimes want some interaction... not just to read reams and reams of old threads. People won't even necessarily know how to use the search facility - it's not exactly prominent. In fact, I find it quite shit

The Golden Nuggets are extremely useful, as is trawling through other older posts. But sometimes a person just needs a sense of community.

If nobody posted anything new and just read through old posts, there wouldn't be the sense of community that exists here.

Nothing against you, Boring Guy, but your post here just pissed me off a little and I personally get more tired of seeing 'this has been talked about before' than 'how do I deal with jealousy'.


I am out to anyone that asks. At my last workplace, we all talked a lot, and I was there for four years... so all of them heard all about it. If I employed someone new, we'd end up talking about partners and I would tell them the truth. But, I don't work in corporate environments and I don't have much to lose if someone doesn't like it.

I am 'out' as poly and bi/lesbian (whichever my current mood tells me I am) to everyone. I started a new job this week and a girl I was working with asked me if I had a boyfriend. I said "no, I have a girlfriend!" I didn't add that she had a husband, because we had a lot of work to do. If we get on well and she asks about my relationship again, I'll tell her the rest. I haven't told my bosses, because a) they haven't asked and b)I'm on a trial period and even though I don't care what they think, I do care about earning money!

To be honest, I've never cared what people think. I came out as being a lesbian when I was 13. As for family, my mom, dad and sister know that I am bi/lesbian and poly. My Dad and Sister are fine about it and recently posted nice comments on a facebook video of me with our (their) three year old daughter. I haven't told the rest of my family (grandmas, etc) because I don't see them much. But I would tell them. As I say, I really do not care what people think.

My girlfriend, who is now 38, recently came out to her family and it hasn't been pretty. She came out as both bi and poly at the same time. She's been married to her husband for 13 years and her family are not happy bunnies. Her dad and sister are pleasant to me/us and don't like the idea, but are polite to me. Her mom is horrid to both me and my GF. Though, on the plus side, she has always been horrid to GF's husband and now suddenly loves him... hahaha.

When we first met, she loved walking around with her hands all over me... it was the first step in her liberation, but I could tell, it was also a novelty... These days, she holds my hand, rather than holding me like a trophy, and I can tell that she isn't out and proud - she's out and comfortable.

((Unless we walk down a really dodgy street... then we stop holding hands. Hahaha.))
Me: 32f, evolving

“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without." ~ Buddha
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