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Old 11-24-2012, 05:39 PM
Tamcat Tamcat is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2012
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Have you flat out told him you'd rather be with your bf....as it stands right now? That's something I'd want to know if I was being asked to work on things in a troubled marriage.

Your relationship stagnated, was on the verge of divorse you both had partners as a fix.....you don't want disrupt your child's life. Both guys love you....but you never said you love your husband. I think that relationship as a marriage was over 3 yrs ago and nobody wants to admit it.
I have. It was hard to say, because I really don't want to hurt him, but I think that whole 'avoiding saying difficult things because we don't want to hurt the people we care about' is a large part of how we got into this mess, so I am trying to work on both being more open and honest, even when I know it's not something the other person wants to hear, and also trying to be stronger and more encouraging to my partners to try to give them the basis they need to be able to do the same to me.

I honestly don't know if I love my husband anymore or not. I know I don't feel any romantic feelings for him, or any intimacy or passion, and haven't for a long time. I care about him. I like doing things for him. I like helping him. I want him happy and I hate doing anything to hurt or upset him. Is that love? I don't even know anymore.

I'm trying to leave the door open for those feelings to come back, if there's any chance of it. We're trying to take a month, to get through the holidays, and see if there's any way we can move towards intimacy again. My boyfriend and I, meanwhile are trying to stabilize our out relationship, get through him going to spend a week with his potential new gf Dec. 17, and seeing what, if any changes need to be made all around.

My husband has said, if we haven't made noticeable improvement by the end of the year, he wants to end the relationship, that he wants and deserves someone who wants him, loves him more than anyone. I agreed, that he does indeed deserve that. That we all did. As it stands though, the main problems in our triad appear to be that my husband wants more from me than I think I can give him, and I want more from my boyfriend than he can give me. I don't know if there's any healthy, happy way to resolve that. I just know we're all three trying to be considerate, caring, and supportive of each other. That none of us wants to hurt the other. But I don't know if there's any way to fix this unless people can change what they want, and this seems to be such a longstanding, deep-seated desire for more on my part and my husband's part that I am really unsure it can be changed. Or should be.
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