Originally Posted by AlixDomme
So my big question is...since she is not fulfilling my needs, do I seek out another partner on the side who would be more communicative bc that is something I need, and if so, won't this start a massive "No One is Good Enough--Keep Collecting" type mindset? I worry that with poly I will never just accept someone bc I will always be finding flaws and then looking elsewhere for my needs that are not fulfilled. Why can't I just be happy *enough* with what I have??
I don't think what you're describing are "needs". Those are "preferences". And yes, it does seem needy and co-dependent to keep "collecting" people to fill some kind of void or insecurity about how often people reply to your text messages, etc. I have a partner who replies to about 1/10th of the messages I send them, mainly because most of my messages do not REQUIRE a response. I would say the only time this is a NEED is when the messages are ABOUT something and/or have a specific question that needs answering. However, "collecting" other people is not going to make THIS PERSON different with regard to their pattern of communication. Personally, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who sees me as just another way to fulfill their needs. I get in relationships with people because we enjoy each other's company. I don't have a list of "needs" and try to go finding other people to meet those needs. That's more like looking for an employee or a mechanic than for a relationship or partner.