Are You "Out"?
The older I get, I wonder how many more closets I will find myself stuck in, from being queer, to being an atheist, to be trans*, to being non-monogamous... All of these pieces of my identity are valid parts of my life that are, unfortunately, contentious to some, or even appalling. (If any of that seems weird to you, bear in mind that I grew up in the Midwest. Anything deviating from the God-fearing heteronormative is seen as bizarre and/or threatening.)
My partner and I are planning to be married in March, yet we have been actively pursuing play with others. Many of our friends and chosen family know we are non-monogamous, but our biological families do not. I usually divulge such information on a "need to know" basis. (Like the fact that I'm running a porn company? If my parents and I never discuss it, I'd be totally fine with that.) My mom is not in my life anymore, but she got to know people I was dating when I was polyamorous in my last serious relationship. I could talk with her about jealousy and other issues that surfaced during that time. In a way, I miss having that counsel from an older, more experienced person.
How do we decide who to tell? What forces this issue into the limelight? I suppose it would be different for me if my partner or I were dating someone else, or if someone else were living with us, but for now it seems fairly moot.