Originally Posted by Ceoli
I think it's important to understand why such policies are in place.
I generally don't get involved with people who have DADT policies with their other partners. I always feel much more secure when there's open communication between partners and metamours. I can't help but tie withheld information with protecting insecurity. As a person who is usually the outsider dating people in established partnerships, I've found that DADT is usually the tip of an iceberg that usually causes larger problems for me when getting more deeply involved. If my partner's partner can't handle that kind of information about my involvement, then that usually means that, on some level, they can't handle my involvement period. So it ends up being the same drama, just buried underneath the surface where it simmers and builds rather than being evident and out there for everyone to address. For me, DADT ends up limiting how involved I can be with a partner.
The guy I'm currently getting involved with actually has a philosophy of "There's no such thing as too much information." And he means it. There's nothing I can't ask him about his other relationships, including all the details. The same for his partners- I can talk to them about anything without reservation. That's much more proactive and open than I've ever encountered before. It's also pretty lovely to experience.
I think i feel much more comfortable with this philosophy, though i do understand that not everying who chooses not to share detials is ultimitly insecure I think in my own life i feel that if i am avoiding talking about something then its usually because i have an underlying issue around it.
and with all 3 of the men in my life if they do have another partner I would like them to be able to share things with me. I don't need every single detail and i do understand that as a couple they would need privacy too but i think being able to generally talk about how things are going both in and out of the bedroom is important, i hate the idea of me feeling like im not allowed to ask certian things so its not that i am going to ask for a blow by blow but i don't want to feel restricted in what we talk about or ask each other.