Have you flat out told him you'd rather be with your bf....as it stands right now? That's something I'd want to know if I was being asked to work on things in a troubled marriage.
Your relationship stagnated, was on the verge of divorse you both had partners as a fix.....you don't want disrupt your child's life. Both guys love you....but you never said you love your husband. I think that relationship as a marriage was over 3 yrs ago and nobody wants to admit it.