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Old 11-24-2012, 10:54 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Location: Saskatchewan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tamcat View Post
---Just had a talk with my husband and we are finding that a problem we're running into is that each of us seems to be making assumptions about the other that turn out to be incorrect. I said we don't seem to know each other very well anymore and that we need to try to work more on communication and that maybe if we were able to communicate better we could get to know each other again and re-establish some sort of connection or level of intimacy again.
hehe, that's pretty much EXACTLY what my counsellor said last time I saw her. Must be some truth to it We make up stories using facts that happen in our lives. Those stories contain assumptions. Then we react to the stories we tell, and not the actual reality of what happened. By stating your assumptions and telling yourself your story, you begin to see it for what it really is, which allows you to parse it and throw out the crap.

After you've analysed it, you can return to your partner and say "When you said/did ___, I assumed that it was because you felt/thought ___. Is that accurate?" And then most of the time, it won't be, and they'll tell you so. Then you can respond to their true motivations and not the ones you made up and painted on them.
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"Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. " -- Louis de Bernières
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