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Old 12-26-2009, 06:01 AM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 900

Originally Posted by crisare View Post
In many ways, I'm a very private person. And I believe that what is intimate between two people loses it's intimacy when it's public fodder - or when either person feels free to just talk about it to anyone who asks. For me, respecting my privacy - and OUR privacy - is part of what I ask of a partner. And it's part of the respect I give my partner with his other partner(s).

That's not to say I ask my partner to hide anything or to lie. I just have a reasonable expectation of privacy within my relationships.
Just to be clear, being open among partners does not automatically mean making something public fodder for anyone who asks. However, I will say that this guy is very public and writes a lot about polyamory with details about his relationships. But that is always with the consent of everyone involved and most of the time doesn't involve specific names. And for me, sharing the lovely things about my experiences or my partner's experiences doesn't feel disrespectful.

I think you're talking in absolutes, and I don't believe in absolutes. No one wants to be compared and found wanting by someone they love. If you want to get technical, then yes, I'm sure it is some form of insecurity, but you know ... people aren't machines. We all have feelings and fears ... and yes, insecurities.
I don't think I was talking in absolutes at all. I asked if it was some form of insecurity and you agree. Pointing that out doesn't mean that I view people as machines or expect everyone to be magically insecure or that I don't respect people's feelings and fears. We all have feelings and fears and insecurities to deal with. For me, it's more important to deal with such things rather than set up policies that protect them and allow such things not to be dealt with.

And in the long run, it works for me, and I don't feel it's insecure of me or of my partner to respect each others' privacy and to not want to know all the gory details of what we do with other partners in bed.

And in the long run, having a partner who is open and shares about his other relationships works for me.
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