View Single Post
Old 12-26-2009, 05:45 AM
DrunkenPorcupine's Avatar
DrunkenPorcupine DrunkenPorcupine is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 175

I generally don't get involved with people who have DADT policies with their other partners. I always feel much more secure when there's open communication between partners and metamours. I can't help but tie withheld information with protecting insecurity.
I've got to say, for me... This was the case.

Now... I think there are SOME people who can do DADT just fine. I mean... Every relationship or group of relationships is different and should be honored, but for me, there WAS insecurity.

My wife began exploring outside sexual partners because of a disconnect between her and I. The fact that she felt stimied to talk about her sexuality outside of us made me seem even more of an unconcerned ass to her. She really did think I was disgusted with her which is not the case.

Likewise, I thought sex and realtionships could be too powerful to be addressed within the confines of my other non-sexual (even non-loving) relationships.

So yeah, there was lots and lots of insecurity on both sides for my wife and I.

Recognizing it mattered, because we're coping with those now and I have to say... she smiles very big when I tuck her in at night. Almost immediately "Love" returned to our vocabulary.

So it ends up being the same drama, just buried underneath the surface where it simmers and builds rather than being evident and out there for everyone to address. For me, DADT ends up limiting how involved I can be with a partner.
It build for my wife and I for a week or so, maybe two at most, and man... Those issues surfaced pretty quickly. The tension was NOT good. But in retrospect...

We've made mistakes in our relationships before, and we're still together. We have the amazing capacity to learn from out mistakes and fall deeper in love and grow close together as we work past them. The DADT policy has been no exception for us. Despite our sexual disconnect together, she now knows that I really care for her and that her sexuality matters to me. I couldn't express that with my cock (forgive the crudeness) but it pushing the boundaries of our relationship we've shared that, and I wouldn't trade that.

The guy I'm currently getting involved with actually has a philosophy of "There's no such thing as too much information." And he means it. There's nothing I can't ask him about his other relationships, including all the details.
There's something there. We're at the point now where there are limits... Interests. My wife doesn't like all of my hobbies. I'm really into a game that she doesn't like at all. She asks "How'd you do" or "Did you have fun" but the specifics of the game... they'd bore and annoy her. She can have that boundary without HIDING anything or feeling ashamed about them. If there was something I wondered, I could ask. It's not an off limit zone. It's just that there's no interest there. But I could ask.
Reply With Quote