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Old 12-26-2009, 05:43 AM
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Originally Posted by crisare View Post
I think as long as you recognize that's YOUR perception, then we're cool. When you're saying that DADT is always a symptom of insecurity, then we have an issue.

For us it's not about insecurity. It's about respecting the privacy of each relationship and allowing each permutation of relationship to have it's own level of intimacy.
That's why I said that it's important to understand the reasons behind having such a policy. Though I've yet to personally encounter a DADT policy that didn't involve some form of insecurity. That's not to say that they don't exist. I just haven't seen it.

I personally would be VERY uncomfortable knowing that my guy was talking about the intimate details of our relationship with his wife. I know my H would be extremely uncomfortable thinking that I was comparing dick sizes (metaphorically or literally speaking) with my guy.
What exactly is it that bothers you about such things being talked about? I'm not asking this as a challenge. Also, wouldn't being uncomfortable being compared with another lover constitute some form of insecurity?

In fact I'd go so far as to say that if my guy's wife or my H demanded blow-by-blow details or required that everything we did or said was open to her, I would see that as a sign of insecurity on their parts - that he or she is not able to allow us a private intimate relationship, which could create problems down the road.
Nobody in this relationship that I'm exploring demands blow by blows of anything. I agree that needing to know everything is just as much a sign of insecurity as needing to not hear about things. However, knowing that I can ask about something without fear of overstepping boundaries goes a long way. If someone specifically doesn't want a detail shared, then of course they have the right to ask that it remain private. But it means proactive communication has to happen on everyone's part and not leaving things unsaid. So far, I haven't felt the need to keep what goes on between us private and it still feels just as special despite that.
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