Originally Posted by sparklepop
Hahaha.... someone's feeling the NRE aren't they? ~grins~
Sounds like exciting stuff and it's great that your hubby is on board.
So, your husband is a Dom and so is Henn? Is your husband your Master, or do you use D/s in the bedroom in a less structured way?
I am a Domme and so is my girlfriend. We have shared submissives before. I have also embraced my submissives playing with other Dom/mes, so long as it all matches up and there's no conflicting training, etc (i.e. there's no point in me focusing on chastity play with my sub, if her other Dom/me gets off on frequent masturbation tasks).
Some people believe that a sub should only have one Dom/me; but I disagree.
In the cases where I have shared a sub with my girlfriend, a natural hierarchy has taken place. She usually becomes the 'top dog' with men; whereas women tend to connect more to me. I would love an equal scenario, but so far, we find that the balance shifts at some point.
Double Domming can be really effective. In my case, I love it, because we can work as a team to take on more. My girlfriend likes regular contact with submissives, producing tasks and is a sadist... I am more of a psychological player who dislikes too much contact and enjoys dishing out humiliation... for the right sub, we can offer more together than we can apart and it takes some of the strain off us.
I do think though, that there would have to be guidelines, boundaries, ground rules, limits, etc. in your situation.
It would be wonderful if your husband and Henn could be friends... but it's not strictly necessary, as long as everyone is comfortable and you are happy to be the go-between in terms of communicating agreements and any issues that arise. If hubby isn't happy about a certain aspect of play, Henn can't try to override him and you can't give into both just because you are submissive. Everyone needs to be kind, listen to each other as people and not as D/s characters and keep all parties happy.
Some things to think about...
- do you like the idea of having two Doms? would that work for you realistically? does one of them have more of a power over you, or are they truly quite equal?
- can you see their styles working well together? do they have similar kinks? or very different kinks that won't interfere with each other? (i.e. if hubby Dom likes anal play and Henn Dom likes tit wanks, that's not really going to make a difference either way... haha)
- how would each of them feel seeing marks on you from the other Dom? is there any danger or competition or jealousy/insecurity?
- if one Dom is physically or emotionally harsher, will the other Dom always lose out because you'll need time to come out of sub let down when it's their turn to play with you?
- fluid bonding - want to do it with both? any sexual acts off the cards with Henn? will it hurt your husband if you engage in certain things with Henn?
- if either sets a long term task, such as chastity play, can you balance the poly side of the relationship? if you give two weeks or a month to one Dom with this task, are you willing to devote the same time and concentration to another? or will this cause burnout for you?
- what about down the road... collaring and such? would you consider being collared to both of them, or would you never consider a particular one of them?
If you all prefer a hierarchy of some sort, you would have to decide between you who is the Alpha Dom. As a Dominant woman, I can be a little bit miffed when another Dom/me tries to hand me their sub as a plaything, without giving me equal control. But then... sometimes I have so much on my plate that I am happy about it. It all depends on the other Dom/me and the circumstances.
If you know the answers to all of these questions and still want to go ahead, with everyone's happiness and feelings out on the table... I say, why not? Until you do it, you may not know how you feel. You may love it, or you may not feel right.
I hope this helps!
Sparklepop, yes, I think the NRE is kicking in, which reminds me...I wanted to look up discussions on the topic on here. I'd like to load myself with ways to not distance my SO while I'm all twitterpated, but still let myself enjoy the ride.
Anyhow, back to the whole double Dom thing...
I'm happy to hear that you are living this type of thing and that it works well for you and your co-Domme.
Both men are Doms and it appears that they both have similar styles. My husband and I mostly fall into this role in the bedroom, but it does wander out of there and into other areas of our lives quite frequently.
I think it will be key if this is going to work that we start with some dialog between the three of us. Already I can see where their requests may conflict; leaving me unable to meet both of their wishes.
You offered up an excellent list of things to consider. This whole thread was sparked because Henn mentioned wanting to see me wearing his collar (during play) and my brain suddenly fired off, "Whoa! Houston we may have a problem here." It's one thing to find a partner that is sexually dominate, but it's another thing to find a partner that is into BDSM and identifies as a Dom/me.
I can easily picture myself being comfortable having two Doms, but I'm not sure if my husband will be comfortable with that. I think it'll depend on the relationship he and Henn build together. It's early in the game, so I can only speculate. Early in our opening up journey my husband didn't want me being submissive to anyone other than himself. Since then he's voiced that is no longer the case as I'm sexually submissive by nature, so that requirement didn't make sense when he stopped and thought about it. At that time, he still didn't want me to be another person's sub. Because we are constantly shifting and evolving our relationship, I think he'd actually be able to accept this and may even get off on it a bit. Before it was all rather abstract, but now there is an actual person and a growing relationship that offers much of what we both
were hoping for me. If he's not willing to try this, then I will let the relationship with Henn go.