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Old 11-23-2012, 06:27 PM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: East Coast, U.S.
Posts: 416

Thanks for posting this--I find it very inspiring.

I identify as "solo" because I have never wanted to be a "we." For a long time, I thought that meant I would have to avoid "serious" or "committed" relationships. Learning about ethical non-monogamy and various forms of poly has given me a better understanding of the ways I can form relationships without changing my "I" to a "we."

I have found that (so far) I click best with men who enjoy being single and identifying as "I" rather than men who are already in committed relationships and think of themselves as part of a "we". I find it off-putting when poly men use a lot of "we" language in their profiles.

I have sometimes noticed a higher incidence of men using "I" language in online profiles when they identify as "practicing ethical monogamy" rather than as "poly." The men I met who described themselves as ethically non-monogamous had serious girlfriends who were also non-monogamous, were unmarried/ in their 20s/ no kids yet, and were open to more casual dating styles.

I felt like I had more in common with them than with the older, married-with-kids poly men who described how "my wife and I decided to open up our marriage, we are looking for love and commitment with other people." Not that there's anything wrong with that statement. It makes sense to be coming from a place of "we" coupledom when there is a longterm marriage and kids involved.
Single, straight, female, solo, non-monogamous.
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