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Old 11-23-2012, 04:00 PM
nondy2 nondy2 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 109

Thank you guys so much!! I appreciate the help - you are really helping my figure this out...

we talked more (argued) and here's what happened :

I found that I was upset because he told the GF "wife wants to it to be just us" and I feel that he put it all on me and made me the bad guy. What I would have liked him to say is "wife asked and I decided to go along" or "wife and I decided" so that he would have some participation (accountability) in the decision. Is that reasonable?

As far as communicating directly with her- the issue is the nature of our relationship. I am very social and he has a difficult time relating to people. His GF has been his only close friend outside the family in 12 years.

At one point, I felt like I was having a relationship with HIS mother on his behalf. This turned into a disaster with his mother and I not speaking for a WE his mother and I have OUR own relationship. Much of this was my fault and I take responsibility. I am very proud of how we have both unraveled our co-dependence. However, me 'sorting things out" with his GF, even for my OWN benefit feels like me helping him with his relationships and I won't do that. I want him to have his own relations aside from me. For most people is might work, but for us I feel like there is too much a history of co-depence - I can't be the one to get them to talk directly, that's up to them.

As far as poly, I feel horrible but I have decided that I just want to live with him platonically and he's decided to go along with that (for now). The issue is that I don't have very stropping attraction to him - I finally confessed that to him. It was SO hard. I felt like we are out of sinc because for him sex is inatamcy or creates it and I have tons of intimates without sex...I want him to have good sex. I want him to be with someone who finds him hot. I have struggled with it for so many years.

I think I've also made huge strides in not taking sexual attraction personally. Ironaically, OK Cupid has helped with this. I have a very goofy, scandalous profile so tons of guys write...but the minute they see a video of me or meet me or find out I have cerebral palsy, they disappear - One did just week. I have learned the hard way that sex attraction is complex and not personal.
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