So, Rose returned home from seeing Orchid. Upon returning she told me that she would like to be best friends, affectionate friends, but friends. No sex. She said those two words quite a few times actually.
I feel rejected and sad about the whole thing.
Rose told me that she is not monogamous at all, that she needs time and that we might be able to go back where we were. She said she isn't sure, that she's not leaning a certain way. She just doesn't know how she will feel about me. She said she is in love with me, is sexually attracted to me, but is tired of the relationship angst we have.
It is hard to be friends. I'm not absolutely positive I CAN be friends with her, although I am really trying.
I want to maintain hope. I asked her yesterday about what happened, how we fell apart and she said that we both hit a rough patch at the same time and it was just too much for our relationship. She said that she can't handle a timeline to decide what will happen next. She said she will not date anyone else. She is planning on moving near Orchid and will focus her romantic energy into that relationship. I am absolutely supportive of her relationship with Orchid and have no jealousy issues (lol, um, anymore).
I am working with a therapist about many issues, my relationship with Rose included. I acknowledge some things I really need to work on, and am working on those. I have also been walking on eggshells around Rose for a long time and I have decided I am not doing that anymore. I am also going to let my personality shine. I have hidden it from people for a long time and that isn't healthy. She can like it or lump it, but I am going to be all me.
Should I give up hope? I really don't think that Programmer and I can move into other relationships while I am unsure about this one.
I truly love her. That complicates things so much.
Me (Lilac) - pan, queer woman, spouse to Programmer
Programmer - Spouse of Lilac, bisexual man
Not currently in relationships with others.